1 Timothy 1:12-17 reflections

I am wrestling with the "if" and the "how" of applying some of this passage. Is it appropriate for all believers to think that Jesus Christ considers us faithful? What does this expression mean? When I meditate on this verse, I must say that I find I am greatly lacking in faithfulness. Perhaps I have been a little bit faithful, but I know deep down inside that I lack in my faithfulness. I know I could be further down the path of apprenticeship to Jesus Christ. But as Dallas Willard in The Divine Conspiracy points out quoting from William Law's book A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life,

...if you will here stop and ask yourself why you are not as pious as the primitive Christians were, your own heart will tell you that it is neither through ignorance nor inability, but purely because you never thoroughly intended it.

Willard comments,

...it could well prove to be a major turning point in our life if we would, with Law's help, ask ourselves if we really do intend to be life students of Jesus. Do we really intend to do and be all of the high things we profess to believe in? Have we decided to do them? When did we decide it? And how did we implement that decision?

Intention and decision are absolutely fundamental in this matter of apprenticeship to Jesus...

These thoughts from Willard got me to thinking along the lines of David Allen's personal management concepts as written in his book Getting Things Done. Allen pushes the reader to define the next actions involved in getting things done. He also encourages a weekly review, a snapshot of how we are doing in getting things done, were we are in getting things done.

Can we take these concepts and use them in our spiritual lives? If the thing I desire is a dynamic relationship with Jesus, don't I have to intentionally determine what the next action is in experiencing that reality? And isn't Sunday morning and especially Communion Sundays the time for a weekly review? A time were I survey how well I am doing? A time to reflect on my life, my apprenticeship to Jesus, how well I am progressing? A time where God can point out my next actions, those things I must do or cease from doing in order to get further down the path? A time where I confess my failures from the previous week? Clearly a daily review would be most beneficial in our relationship with God! Hence many of the ancient disciplines of the church...

Please don't hear this the wrong way. I don't believe I can program my relationship with Jesus. I don't believe I am the initiator in this relationship. But if I fail to intentionally respond, if I fail to intentionally follow Jesus, I will fail as his apprentice.

Overall I take hope in this passage. Here Paul refers to himself as the worst of sinners. I know that very few of us actually believe this about ourselves. But if you stop and think...if you allow your mind to uncover the skeletons in your closet what do you find? For me, I find that I am the worst of sinners. No one could have possibly sinned worse than me! And fortunately by God's mercy you haven't found out about my sin! Fortunately by God's mercy my sin is forgiven and I am saved as Paul here states. In fact, Paul says it was for that very reason, the reason being, I am the worst sinner, that I have received mercy. If I were not the worst, if I were not a sinner, would I really need to receive mercy?